time to call jenny

So, if I lay down flat on my bed, suck in all of my breath and don't breathe for about 3 minutes - I can zip up my FAT jeans. I'm afraid if I actually stood up, the button would pop off, fly across the room and knock out Carson's eye. Good luck explaining that to the ER. So I'm heading out in sweat pants - AGAIN. Don't be jealous.